Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
