When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize