I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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