why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
