Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
