No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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