Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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