Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
