I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
