your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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