That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
