Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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