i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
