Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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