i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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