What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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