MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
