I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
as a side note pls kill me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
