I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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