If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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