and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
