you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
