Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
