if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
