Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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