Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
