I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
