there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm bleeding and have questions
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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