So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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