i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
