What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
