So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
