I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I didn't notice because vodka
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
