I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
