is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.