I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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