You're my little dorito
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
