Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
