I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
