I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
