dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Randomize
