I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
