What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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