Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
