Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
