Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
