the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
