Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
