im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
