Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
