There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
