Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
