he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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