My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
