We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
