Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
