I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
