Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
