Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize