yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
