my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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