You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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