There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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