My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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