then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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