textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize