Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
