my mouth tastes like poor choices
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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