then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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