i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
