I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
