i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
